why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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