Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
