you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
