I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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