bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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