So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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