I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize