A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
