So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
