Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
