remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
