hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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