I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
