He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
