remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
