Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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