just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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