I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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