omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
