I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
