I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
