The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
