dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
