In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
