whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
