All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
That accounts for only three of the penises
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize