I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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