Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
