i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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