so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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