In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
We're too hungover to prance.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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