Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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