I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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