a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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