Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
