another moral hangover. fuck.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
