my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize