what if every blade of grass was a penis?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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