sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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