Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
