Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
bring money and cleavage
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
