Screwed.edu
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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