Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
