think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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