Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
