I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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