She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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