I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
