Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
