I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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