but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just googled if crying burns calories
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
