you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
