and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize