Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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