Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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