I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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