the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
