Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Randomize
