you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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