Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
