My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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