Will you blow on my dice?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
