Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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