My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
