I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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