i was born a porn star she said
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
