He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
