It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
