apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
