Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
