so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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