What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize