Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
