somebody snuck up and got me drunk
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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