saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We had sex on a dog bed..
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
