i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize